These last few days have been sheer and utter hell. And I'm actually putting it nicely. These last three days had been spent either crying for hours and going into a zombie like state. It was even worse when Gilda insisted she be by my side, telling me we needed to get to Canterlot. The first day I refused to move from my bed. I lay there, crying. I threw pillows at Gilda. I begged her to leave but even if she did she would return less than an hour later. It was as if she didn't want me to grieve at all.
The day after my sob fest, Gilda wanted to leave immediately for Canterlot where the Wonderbolts trained and lived. But it seemed I didn't even have the energy to fly. My wings folded in on themselves and I would free fall down to earth. Only to have Gilda swoop down and save me.
Next we tried the train. We had not even made it onto the train before I threw a mini tantrum like a little filly. Every measly scent, every little thing reminded me of her. Of the pony that I devoted my entire life to. I couldn't take it and the large crowd made me almost go insane. I ran away as fast as I could, only to have Gilda on my trail.
Finally we decided to take a carriage to Canterlot. It was a private carriage Gilda herself hired and they arrived to take us there. It was rather small, but it looked very exquisite and cozy. But even than I was having doubts.
"C'mon, Dash." she barked, opening the door to the carriage, inviting me in. I hesitantly stepped toward it, only to look behind me back at Ponyville.
"I don't know. Maybe if I talk to her one more ti-" she immediately cut me off me letting out a loud and short squawk.
"Dash would you just get over it? You need to leave this life, no, leave Slutter
shy behind and start a life for yourself now!" I could feel her hard stare looking at me as I kept my head turned away. I was near breaking into tears again as a few escaped my eyes. I let out a shaky breath before turning around and slowly hopping into the carriage. I slid over to the other side and looked out the window, resting my head on the wall. I didn't even want to look at Ponyville disappear as my past life did with it.
We had been traveling almost half the day and the ride was completely quiet. The silence hung in the air like a heavy elephant pushing down on a trampoline. Occasionally I could see her glance at me through my peripherals. I wish she didn't look at me sometimes, it creeped me out. I wanted to at least sleep, or pretend I was asleep. But each time I closed my eyes, I was plagued with images of Fluttershy which twisted my stomach in a knot. When I closed my eyes I could still feel her soft coat against mine. The way her legs draped around me when we hugged. The way she wrapped herself around me as we slept. The way her hair brushed against my muzzle. It caused a few tears to leak out of my eyes and I attempted to wipe them away.
I don't know why I would do that. I don't know why I tried to hide my sadness and tears from Gilda. She had seen me do nothing but cry these last few days. I'm surprised at how patient she had been with me.
In the distance I could see the castle growing closer and closer as we were making our way to Canterlot. The sun was setting and I hadn't even noticed we were travelling all day. Gilda finally spoke up, cutting the silence with a knife. Slowly.
"So I hope you are hungry." she said, clearing her throat. "I booked us a table at the White Stallion. Place is pretty ritzy. You ever hear of it?"
Of course I had. The last time the girls and I went up here Princess Celestia bought us a meal. Fluttershy and I split the angel hair pasta.
"Yeah, I've heard of it." I said. "Since when can you afford that?" I craned my head slowly to her, blinking my tired and sore eyes. I was a bit shocked to see her eagle face staring back at me. Her golden eyes giving off a bit of an eerie glow in the dimly lit carriage.
"Since I am the manager of the Wonderbolts, of course." she said. That same, devious, jack-o-lantern smile contorting on her face. With her glowing eyes it made her a bit intimidating. "I get 70% of the profits." she said matter of factly.
This pissed me off a little. I didn't want most of my hard work to be given to her. Yeah she was the manager, so what? Besides take care of the team, what did she do to earn her all that? Why did she get so much of the cut? "What do you use that money for?" I asked.
She clacked her beak and began to speak. "Well for starters, a place for you guys to stay. I book public meetings, places for you to preform. Physical fitness, uniforms." she pointed out the window and I looked out to see a Billboard with the Wonderbolts on it. "Advertisements."
I looked down at my hooves and the ride remained silent. The rest of the way was spend with the both of us looking out our windows.
Once we arrived in Canterlot, it was just about Twilight out. Various fancy ponies were dolled up. They were all going out on the town. I have to admit that I may have gotten a few looks from them. But I know I wasn't a site for sore eyes that's for sure.
I know my eyes had a glazed over look with bags under them and my coat was very scruffy looking, as well as my mane. I hadn't done my best to take care of myself. Gilda immediately stood next to me, half draping her wing over me as she guided me down the street.
"I hope you're hungry." she said.
"I'm not." I stated. In fact, I hadn't eaten much in the last three days. They were spent with me crying and drinking minimal amounts of water. Every attempt to feed myself even a little bit was met with my stomach clenching up, not allowing anymore food inside of it. The knot had closed it off and I had no appetite once so ever.
I could hear a growl rumbling in her throat. "Well, too bad. You're going to eat. You have to." she said to me.
Once we arrived, we were seated at a booth and we both looked at our menus. I only looked at mine for a minimum of two seconds before setting it down. Gilda looked at me out of the corner of her eye as she scanned hers, deciding on what to get.
She then set her menu down and looked at my wings, picking one of them up with her talons, examining them. I immediately recoiled it, glaring up at her. "What are you doing?" I asked.
She replied calmly. "Examining your wings. I'm trying to figure out why you can't fly with them. You break it or something?" she asked, continuing to examine them, despite the fact they were folded up.
This brought my blood to a boil. "You know damn well why." I hissed under my breath. She looked at me, a bit appalled. Then shrugged.
"Well that doesn't really explain why you can't fly physically. Just in your head. We better get you something to eat that will make your wings work than." she stated. I slammed my hoof on the table, looking up at her.
"Gilda I can't help it. When I am going under stress like this I cannot fly. It's just how I am. You're going to have to deal with it." I said through my teeth.
She scraped her talon against the table, leaving a claw mark as she brought her beaked face down to mine. We glared at each other.
"I think you're
the one who has to deal with it, Dweeb!" she said. I kept my gaze on her, listening to what she had to say. "You think she's crying over you like this? You think she's regretting this decision? No. And do you know why? Because she's the lowest form of dweeb and if you honestly think moping will make you feel better you've got another thing coming."
I remained silent, unsure of how to really respond. Was Gilda right? Had Fluttershy really not cared? Not even a little bit...? This only made me more sad, but before I could respond the waitress arrived. She smiled at us, levitating a pad and a pen.
"What can I get for you ladies?" she asked a bit too cheerfully. Gilda cleared her throat, composing herself.
"I'll have the steak. Rare." she said, handing the waitress the menu. Both her and I made a face of a bit of shock. Her order reminded us both that Gilda was very much a predator.
"O-okay..and what about you?" she asked me. I shook my head.
"Nothing." I was about to hand her my menu when Gilda slammed her talon onto it, keeping it on the table.
"She'll have the strawberry banana smoothie, with a shot of wheat grass." she told the waitress. The nice unicorn smiled and wrote down our meals before trotting off.
It was silent for a few moments before I turned to her, narrowing my tired eyes at the griffin. "Do not take my order for me."
"You needed something." she said, looking straight ahead. I wanted to punch her but instead she seemed to go quiet like me. So I sat back, enjoying the silence.
I looked over to Gilda and saw her give me a smile. She tried to make it seem less threatening, but that crooked grin was still there. "Just try to drink the smoothie and once you finish that I'll take you to your room. You'll like it, I promise." she said to me. This was the nicest thing she had said to me within these last few days. I merely nodded tiredly, wanting to just go to bed now. I needed to let a cry out but I knew I couldn't here.
Once our food arrived, the unicorn set the plate of meat down at Gilda. She handed me my smoothie and immediately trotted off. She didn't want to see Gilda eat the steak.
I watched her animal side kick in as she was presented with the food. Her eyes got a crazy look in them as she tilted her head back and fourth. Gilda leaned down to sniff the meat before scooping it up with the bottom of her beak. Like a shovel. With it in her mouth she tilted her head back and gulped down the entire thing. I almost gagged. How could she eat that? I turned away from the grotesque scene and looked at my smoothie. It did look really good. I leaned forward to take a small sip and even with the viscus liquid hitting my mouth, my stomach clenched up.
I sighed, leaning back in the booth. Gilda draped a wing over me and took my smoothie, taking a large sip from it. I envied her appetite at the moment.
"You know, Dash, I know you're pretty bummed now." she said. I rolled my eyes. Bummed doesn't even come close to describing the pain I felt. "But you're gonna get used to it." she took another sip, before looking at me. "Whether you like it or not."
I slowly turned my head toward her, raising an eyebrow. Was that a threat? I sighed, lowering my eyes. What choice did I have? I mean, Fluttershy obviously didn't care if I went or stayed. She hated me now. She wasn't in love with me anymore and she never would be again. Even thinking that didn't sit well with me as I was ready to just leave.
I waited for Gilda to finish her meal, allowing myself to drift into my own thoughts of Fluttershy and I. The more I thought of the reality, the more I tried to shove it away. I couldn't accept this. I just couldn't. I would never be able to accept it. I brought my elbows to the table and rested my head on my hooves, letting my tired and cried out eyes droop as I anticipated just leaving and plopping into a warm bed to cry myself to sleep in.